Do you remember?

I know cool kid cannot relate but did you ever put Githeri in your school dress pockets so you can eat the maize and beans one by one when the teacher taught in class? Do you remember carrying dried maize in an empty Arimis container to use in counting but ended up eating it all with no complaints of stomach ache? Do you remember splashing water puddles with no shoes and sliding on dirt roads after rainy days? Those days when your legs got so ashy square boxes would appear on your "Mitari" and you were not even bothered? Recall crying if somebody said you had a boyfriend and now you are on every dating site campaigning for yourself because earth is hard. I want you to remember the kid who said they want to be a surgeon one day because they were busting with joy and optimism. Praying to God that this year, your inner child is reborn so you can experience life to the fullest. Happy new year.

SURVIVE

“Breathe in, breath out,” she says to herself and masters up the strength to walk up to him. She has been dating this guy since she was 19.She loves him, if love meant going back to the same person over and over  again after several breakups ,each full of tears and immeasurable  heart ache: she was doing all the crying and forgiving. “ He will understand,” she thinks out loud. He turns to look at her but immediately continues watching a football game on the television like he did  every Wednesday. She is now sitting on her side of the couch. He was very particular about where everyone in that house should sit and especially when he was watching a game. She often feels she deserves a say even in such small things because she helps pay rent too. Today her feelings should be kept locked up because he has to be in a good mood when she breaks the news. The game is coming to an end ,and he is resigned to his team losing the match. He switches off the TV and is now looking at  her probably about to ask what they are going to have for supper.

“I am pregnant  Mark,” she finally says with a shaky voice. He pretends he did not hear what she said.  

“ Isn’t it great?” she says to prompt a response from him.

“Listen, if I wanted kids with you Anna,  I would have married you a long time ago,” He says and sinks into his seat. 

“ What should we do?” she asks, her eyes welling up with tears.

“ I don’t know, keep it or abort it stupid,” he yells. “ It’s your child not mine,”he continues and leaves the room. She can’t breathe, and her stomach just turned. She quickly runs to the toilet and throws up a couple of times. How on earth was she going to raise a child on her own?  She would have  asked her mother for her help but the last time they spoke she made it clear she was done bringing up her own children with no help and she would not be willing to do it ever again; not even for her own daughter.

 She is now back in the sitting room. Mark just walked back ,and he seems to be talking to her but she is too deep into her shock that  she doesn’t hear him.  He touches he shoulder and jolts her back to reality. “My friend knows a lady who can help fix your little problem, he says it will be quick.” he says  and forces a smile. “ If you want this relationship to work , that thing must go,” he says  and goes to wear his shoes and beckons her to follow him. He reminds her to carry a change of clothes.

They are now in a mud shack deep in the city slums. A  girl in early teens sits with them on a small wooden bench. She is with a man in his thirties who keeps on tapping her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. She is crying uncontrollably and he repeats the tap to re-assure her. “ Nobody will know dear, don’t tell them ,and I will let you and your mum keep staying in my house,” he says and she nods gently. Anna is disgusted on knowing he is the one responsible for the  pregnancy but her own fear keeps her from speaking up. She hears women die during these abortions but she is willing to take the risk. She death .Just be better then rejection.

 A lady emerges from  a badly lit room and calls out her name. She gets up reluctantly and follows her. The room is  dingy with the sickening smell of blood and urine. There is a raised table and a few long metal rods with sharp ends. There was a few hangers here and there and jagged forceps. 

“Get on the table she is told with a little push, “ she climbs up and is now trembling and sweating profusely.

“ Why are you so afraid?  nobody sent you to get pregnant, now open your legs, the lady says and tries to force them open. Anna pushes her and runs out of the room.  Mark tries to force her back in but she starts to scream. He lets her go to avoid attracting unwanted attention to the hut. “ Don’t come back you stupid bitch, let me see how long you can survive on your own, “ says and gets back to his seat and tries to avoid eye contact with the other  people in the room.

Anna is now walking bare feet between the tin shacks in the slum. She then remembers her college friend lived near the farthest end of that slum. She will go to her, maybe she has some hope to share with a broken spirit such as hers: there must be hope.

Psycho

I heard you want to know the truth. I don’t know how my life concerns you, but I must be pretty important to be here  with you. Let me start from my roots because I know you are a sucker for depressing  stories. I did not come from money, and my family  survived on the little payments mother got doing  small jobs for the neighbors. Are you wondering where my father Was? Let ‘s just say we saw him every night at around 9pm, drunk , hungry and angrily asking for food. My mother must have been a very patient woman.  I can’t clarify that since she is dead, and for a reason I feel she is the lucky one. She found peace: something I have never known. 

Oh, sorry I did not introduce myself. My name is Shiku , but my people call me Shiks. I am 26 years old, 5.8 feet tall with brown skin and very long dreadlocks. I am pretty skinny thanks to my long struggle with stomach ulcers and a messed up relationship with food. I don’t want to go in to that but it’s something to do with not wanting a big belly and being called fat. Not that I really care about what people think. I can see you are getting bored.  I am sure these are facts you already know , and you are eagerly waiting for me to explain why I have  dead bodies in my backyard.

Let me just start by saying they all had it coming. One of them was my husband, a good man  he was that one but a  notorious womanizer. He was messing with my friend for two years and when I found out I tried to save my marriage but it seemed he was done. I changed my hairstyle, I dressed up often and tried to be flexible around the bedroom but the burger would not leave her alone. One night when he came from a night of drinking with his mates and my traitor of a friend I stuck a knife in him: several knives actually. I buried him that same day and  I didn’t even shed a tear :He did not deserve it.

Now, it should be obvious who the second body belonged to. The husband snatcher came to visit me, and she asked if my husband would be joining us. I smiled and said he had gone out. I had not really thought of killing her : I kind of really enjoyed her company but she had hurt my pride. I made her a cup of coffee ,just as she liked. A teaspoon of sugar, some milk and just a hint of cyanide. It was quite easy I think ,and a good way to silently get rid of vermin like her.

So, are you going to send me to prison? You would be doing me a favor. A change of scenery is what I need to spice up my boring life. Okay then, where is that nice police lady? I need to see how my cell looks like, don’t you?

TRAITOR

“Your honour, I would like to call the witness to the stand,” Says a short woman with thick hips and a stern look on her face: they call her Brenda. She is  Tanya's lawyer, and the reason why one more pedophile will be rotting in jail. She wishes the system would put them on the electric chair instead. She couldn’t help but feel 20 years was not good enough. Tanya approaches the witness stand. She is eleven, and her face  has slowly been morphing to show her journey out of childhood into a teenager. She faces the crowd and her dad who is seated with his lawyer on the defendants’ side. She notices the foreboding look on his face, and for a minute she is overcome with guilt, but she remembers she must do as her mother said.

“Would you mind telling us your name young lady?” Brenda asks.

“I am Tanya madam,” the little girl says.

“How do you know the defendant Tanya?” Brenda continues. 

“He is my father.”

“Would you tell us what happened  on the 5th of July this year?”

“I came home from school at 4pm,and when I went into my bedroom to change my uniform, dad came into my room.”

“What happened next?”

“He asked to touch my breasts, and when I refused he said he would kill my mother.”

“Is that all that happened Tanya?”

“He also forced me on the bed,took off my panties and raped me,” said Tanya with quivering lips.

 “Thank you Tanya for being strong and speaking up, you are a very strong girl.” Brenda says and is now looking at the judge. She pulls out a sheet of paper from a file she is holding. 

“Your honour, here are the results from the medical examination Tanya took after this horrific ordeal,” Brenda hands the evidence to the Judge. She reads the documents, it states the young girl had ulcerations on her vaginal wall from forced entry and bruises on her arms and legs. She puts down the paper and looks up again.

“That is all your honour.” Says Brenda as she gives Tanya the cue to move from the stand.

Tanya walks up to her mother who is smiling at her. She moves a bit and lets her daughter sit. She squeezes her little hands, something she always did when she wanted to show her approval. She is sure she has already won the case, she noted the  Judge’s face was full of anger when she read the doctor’s report. Who wouldn’t be angry with a man who takes away a young girl's innocence. She feels grateful that her doctor friend did not ask too many questions when he was asked to falsify that damning evidence: the pay was too good to turn down.

The defendant’s name is Peter: a short and simple name pulled straight from the good book. He was a man in his mid forties ,with dark skin and a face that was once jolly. He looks like somebody has just punched the air out of his lungs. This was his daughter. He was there the day she was born ,and now here she is  preparing to end his life. Still, his compassion for her is  still untouched because he knows this is not her own doing. It must  be his viper of a wife pulling the strings. The woman said she would get rid of him someday, he did not know she was going to bring their child into this.

The courtroom is quiet ,and the judge is giving her verdict. Peter is sentenced to 20 years in prison ,and is now looking at his child. She is crying and despite his efforts to be strong he is breaking down. He tries to fight off the officers who are dragging him on the floor towards his cell but he loses this fight :just like he lost his daughter and freedom.

Tanya is back home with her mother. She wants to ask her mother why she made her lie about being raped by her father. She is too scared, mostly because there is a strange man who has been sleeping in their house. Her mother says she should call him dad, but she wonders how she could have two fathers. They are all sitting watching TV, her new father touches her thigh. She is confused, but mostly scared. She wants to tell her father Peter, he was the one always defending her. He is not around,so she is silent just like her mother who pretends she did not see what has happened. 

HER

She has never been loved before but he finally said he would be the one  to show her what love is.  He hits her sometimes but she is sure he doesn’t mean to. He is always so apologetic after his daily dose of punches. She talks to her pastor now and then, he says she should listen more, know what he wants and focus on being a good wife. He says that is the only time he will change. He sends her off with a prayer , that must be all she needs.

 She is feeling sad , he had told her she was getting too thin. He always made her know he liked thicker women. She has tried to gain a little weight but how could she. Her heart is always heavy, and her stomach full, she hopes the fullness meant she was with child. It must be, they have sex everyday. He is always rough with her but it is okay since he likes it like that. She doesn’t enjoy it but she is afraid he will cheat on her if she says no. A   couple of times she has tried to tell him no, mostly when she is sick, he turns her around and painfully forces his way in anyway. She finds herself crying after that, feeling so guilty for not wanting her husband. He calms her down, he insists he loves her.

She tried to tell him she is tired of staying in the house. She has a degree and she wants to put it to work. He blushed off the idea, he already knew she would fail. She doesn’t want to be a nag, she is silent. He climbs on top of her again, she closes her eyes as she endures the pain she has known all these years.

Today I see her in my clinic for the third time, she is still not pregnant. I try to tell her that her hormones are all over the place. I ask if she stressed, she quietly says no. I know she is lying, I ask about him, if he treats her right. She says he is a good man, he just has anger issues . I try not to meddle.  I give he some pills, I hope they sort out her hormonal imbalance.

Later this evening I got a phone call. She was dead, she had fallen from her balcony. Some say he had pushed her, they heard him saying he was going to do it some day. He was telling the truth. I wonder where hurting souls go. I wish I never have to know.

HUNGER

Anna sits in her therapist’s office. It is on Ronald Ngara street, the building is old with small dingy shops and offices. Her therapist owns the smallest cubicle  at the farthest corner on the third floor. The walls are blue, there is a small desk with a picture of her daughter. The shrink’s names is Dorcas, just like the nice woman from the bible. She is chocolate brown with a plump figure and  a permanent jolly look on her face. She makes her feel safe, like she was looking at her deceased mother. She however doesn’t believe someone can be this happy. She must be hiding something but she is not here to know about Dorcas, she is here to get help. People have been saying that she is angry; always angry. Could be because someone murdered her sister but she already killed him so that could not be it. All these thoughts happen as she waits for Dorcas to get settled in her seat. She was by the door saying goodbye to a patient.  

Dorcas sits and pulls out a file from one of her drawers. She smiles, the gap between her teeth is something Anna has never been used to.

“How was your week Anna?” Dorcas asks and fidgets a bit in her chair.

“Good,” Anna says and looks to the side. 

“ Have you been using the techniques I showed you?” says Dorcas knowing she would not be getting the truth.

“ Of course, I am a good student, now, tell me when our sessions will be over.”

Dorcas smiles and continues talking to Anna. She knows she is a good girl, she just needs help.

HUNGER

There she is, with her kinky hair held back in a high bun, and her lips quivering from the hard rock lump in her throat. She looks at him,she feels something. It is not hate, it is not love, and certainly it is not close to joy.

She gets out of her car and walks up to him. He is tall,a bit too scrawny for her liking but she is sure it is  him.
 He is sitting in a small restaurant on Kira street ,like he had done everyday at noon for five years. He is now the youth pastor of a small local  church. He liked it here,the people were nice, and so was the young woman who is now seated across his table.

"I know what you like pastor," she smiles at him. He is caught off guard. She is now openly flirting with him, she must know his secret. She suggests that they go somewhere private. His heart is now pounding as he blindly follows her to her car.

She drove quietly, occasionally touching his lap to keep him excited. They get to her house. It is quiet and surprisingly huge. Most of the girls he had been with were dirt poor. "She must be just a rich lonely woman looking for some fun," he is thinking to himself.  She makes him take off his clothes. She steps into the bathroom. She is now back, standing over him as he lays on  her bed. He looks petrified. She is holding a knife. Her hands move up and she plunges the knife in his chest. He knows he is dying. He is trying desperately to speak up.  He is trying to pray. There is no worse death than the death of a sinful man who believes in hell.
She soaks up the look on his face. She now knew what that feeling was. It is not hate, it is not love, and certainly, it is not close to joy. It is just a flaming ball of pure fury. She could feel it cool down as she looked at her sister's picture on the wall. She is now where all the good christian girls go. She would not approve of what she just did,but she could not wait for God's vengeance. All the men who hurt little girls had to go.
TO BE CONTINUED...