HER

She has never been loved before but he finally said he would be the one  to show her what love is.  He hits her sometimes but she is sure he doesn’t mean to. He is always so apologetic after his daily dose of punches. She talks to her pastor now and then, he says she should listen more, know what he wants and focus on being a good wife. He says that is the only time he will change. He sends her off with a prayer , that must be all she needs.

 She is feeling sad , he had told her she was getting too thin. He always made her know he liked thicker women. She has tried to gain a little weight but how could she. Her heart is always heavy, and her stomach full, she hopes the fullness meant she was with child. It must be, they have sex everyday. He is always rough with her but it is okay since he likes it like that. She doesn’t enjoy it but she is afraid he will cheat on her if she says no. A   couple of times she has tried to tell him no, mostly when she is sick, he turns her around and painfully forces his way in anyway. She finds herself crying after that, feeling so guilty for not wanting her husband. He calms her down, he insists he loves her.

She tried to tell him she is tired of staying in the house. She has a degree and she wants to put it to work. He blushed off the idea, he already knew she would fail. She doesn’t want to be a nag, she is silent. He climbs on top of her again, she closes her eyes as she endures the pain she has known all these years.

Today I see her in my clinic for the third time, she is still not pregnant. I try to tell her that her hormones are all over the place. I ask if she stressed, she quietly says no. I know she is lying, I ask about him, if he treats her right. She says he is a good man, he just has anger issues . I try not to meddle.  I give he some pills, I hope they sort out her hormonal imbalance.

Later this evening I got a phone call. She was dead, she had fallen from her balcony. Some say he had pushed her, they heard him saying he was going to do it some day. He was telling the truth. I wonder where hurting souls go. I wish I never have to know.